1
00:00:00,630 --> 00:00:02,600
♫♫

2
00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:24,870
Who is it?

3
00:01:24,870 --> 00:01:28,000
It´s me, you old fool.
Open the door.

4
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,170
Hilary, what on Earth
are you doing here?

5
00:01:30,170 --> 00:01:33,500
Oh, stop shinning that thing
in my face, Seymour.

6
00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:37,100
Here, take this. Take this.

7
00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:38,530
Is this it?

8
00:01:38,530 --> 00:01:40,770
Yes, what do you think it is?

9
00:01:40,770 --> 00:01:42,570
What do you want me
to do with it?

10
00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:45,130
Well, put it somewhere safe,
of course.

11
00:01:45,130 --> 00:01:46,300
If you insist.

12
00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:48,670
You´d better come in.
It´s a filthy night.

13
00:01:48,670 --> 00:01:50,030
Oh, no, no.

14
00:01:50,030 --> 00:01:52,170
I have to get back before
they realize I´ve gone.

15
00:01:52,170 --> 00:01:55,530
See you in a few days.

16
00:02:03,670 --> 00:02:06,530
Woman on table three´s saying
she ordered tart, not omelet.

17
00:02:06,530 --> 00:02:07,700
Bloody hell, John.

18
00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:09,530
Come on, Steve,
you know what it´s like.

19
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,070
They like the look
of someone else´s food

20
00:02:11,070 --> 00:02:12,470
and decide that´s
what they ordered.

21
00:02:12,470 --> 00:02:13,930
"False Memory Syndrome,"
it´s called.

22
00:02:13,930 --> 00:02:15,700
Yeah, well, there´s no
more spinach and onion tart.

23
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:17,100
"No More Tart Syndrome,"
it´s called.

24
00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:18,100
There must be!

25
00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:19,200
One gooseberry,
one Stilton.

26
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,330
Yeah, all right!

27
00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:24,970
Look, there´s one more tart
left, but it´s overdone.

28
00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:26,500
Excuse me?!

29
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:27,500
Yeah, all right!

30
00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:29,100
And I´m not letting anything
out of this kitchen

31
00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:30,170
unless it´s perfect.

32
00:02:30,170 --> 00:02:31,530
That´s the way Mr. Crabbe
would want it.

33
00:02:31,530 --> 00:02:33,700
He wouldn´t have burnt it
in the first place.

34
00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:37,470
Did I say I´d burnt it?
It´s perfectly edible, actually.

35
00:02:37,470 --> 00:02:38,970
Great, then let me take it
to table three.

36
00:02:38,970 --> 00:02:41,770
Look, I´m telling you, it´s not
going out of this kitchen

37
00:02:41,770 --> 00:02:43,170
because it´s not perfect, okay?!

38
00:02:43,170 --> 00:02:44,330
I have promised her
this damn tart!

39
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:45,870
Hello, Pie in the Sky?

40
00:02:45,870 --> 00:02:48,570
No, I´m sorry, he´s not here
at the moment.

41
00:02:48,570 --> 00:02:51,400
Can I take a message?
Excuse me, one second.

42
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,270
Excuse me!

43
00:02:53,270 --> 00:02:55,470
Will you two keep it down?

44
00:02:55,470 --> 00:02:59,900
Sorry about that.
What was the name again?

45
00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:01,630
Hilary Smallwood.

46
00:03:01,630 --> 00:03:05,930
He´s to telephone me right away.
It´s very urgent.

47
00:03:05,930 --> 00:03:07,830
What is it?

48
00:03:07,830 --> 00:03:09,730
Reverend Cromwell is giving
his "Thought for the Day"

49
00:03:09,730 --> 00:03:11,100
in the sitting room,
Mrs. Smallwood.

50
00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:15,000
In the unlikely event
that the Reverend Cromwell

51
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,570
has had a thought,

52
00:03:16,570 --> 00:03:18,830
I don´t want him
to give it to me.

53
00:03:18,830 --> 00:03:20,870
Okie-Doke.
See you at teatime.

54
00:03:20,870 --> 00:03:23,800
Don´t bank on it.

55
00:03:28,270 --> 00:03:29,800
You off, then?

56
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,570
Yeah, finished up now.

57
00:03:31,570 --> 00:03:33,330
Bye then, John.

58
00:03:33,330 --> 00:03:35,870
Bye, Henderson.
Thank you.

59
00:03:37,970 --> 00:03:41,500
Bye, Nic.

60
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:43,270
Bye.

61
00:03:43,270 --> 00:03:45,000
Steve?

62
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,800
There was a message, actually,

63
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,400
from the woman on table three,
about your tart.

64
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,000
Yeah, what?

65
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,870
Well, she said the spinach
and onion tart was overcooked.

66
00:03:54,670 --> 00:03:57,330
- Afternoon.
- Hi.

67
00:03:57,330 --> 00:03:58,400
All right.

68
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:02,500
There´s an atmosphere in here.

69
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:04,930
Now, I´ve just done
four days in court.

70
00:04:04,930 --> 00:04:07,170
It did not go well.

71
00:04:07,170 --> 00:04:08,770
I am tired.

72
00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:11,030
My tolerance levels are low.

73
00:04:11,030 --> 00:04:13,330
So, if you´ve got something
to tell me, tell me.

74
00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:15,030
If you haven´t,
sling your hooks.

75
00:04:15,030 --> 00:04:17,100
It´s okay, Chef.
we´re all right.

76
00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:18,830
It´s just been a bit busy,
that´s all.

77
00:04:18,830 --> 00:04:20,500
I´m very pleased
to hear it.

78
00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:22,170
- Right. Bye, then.
- Bye.

79
00:04:22,170 --> 00:04:24,500
Bye-bye, Nicola.

80
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:25,630
Bye.

81
00:04:28,630 --> 00:04:30,000
Is everything all right, Steve?

82
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,800
Yeah, yeah. No problem.

83
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,330
You know, I think I ought to
look for someone to help you

84
00:04:35,330 --> 00:04:36,600
on days when I can´t be here.

85
00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:37,870
I can manage.

86
00:04:37,870 --> 00:04:40,500
Oh, it was just Johnny.
He keeps winding me up.

87
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:41,500
Do you want me to have
a word with him?

88
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:42,500
I´ll deal with it.

89
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,970
Don´t mention anything
to John, will you?

90
00:04:44,970 --> 00:04:48,500
Forget I mentioned it,
all right?

91
00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:50,070
Thanks.

92
00:05:06,900 --> 00:05:08,070
What are you doing?

93
00:05:08,070 --> 00:05:10,030
I thought I had
a bottle of Rioja somewhere.

94
00:05:10,030 --> 00:05:13,200
Oh, Nicola took a message
for you at lunchtime.

95
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,430
It´s on the table.

96
00:05:15,430 --> 00:05:17,370
Poor girl.

97
00:05:17,370 --> 00:05:18,470
She was in such a state

98
00:05:18,470 --> 00:05:20,570
that she´d forgotten
to give it to you.

99
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,530
And we´ve got squabbling
in the kitchen.

100
00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:24,030
Squabbling?
Who´s squabbling?

101
00:05:24,030 --> 00:05:27,470
Steve and John.

102
00:05:27,470 --> 00:05:30,770
Well, I suppose chefs
and waiters have been at it

103
00:05:30,770 --> 00:05:33,370
longer than cops and robbers.

104
00:05:33,370 --> 00:05:36,430
Uh...I can´t read this.

105
00:05:36,430 --> 00:05:38,730
"Horrible Sandwich."
What´s that supposed to mean?

106
00:05:38,730 --> 00:05:40,470
Give it to me.

107
00:05:43,270 --> 00:05:45,700
That´s an "I," not an "O."

108
00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:47,730
It´s Hilary, Hilary-something.

109
00:05:47,730 --> 00:05:49,800
Hilary Smallwood.

110
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,130
Hilary.

111
00:05:51,130 --> 00:05:53,800
Hi-- yes.
"Ring urgently."

112
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,430
Who?

113
00:05:55,430 --> 00:05:57,470
Hilary - you remember,
the writer I met last year.

114
00:05:57,470 --> 00:05:59,200
Yes, you do.
She wrote all these books here.

115
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,500
Pie-Making
in the British Isles.

116
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:05,770
Out of the Frying Pan
into the Dordogne.

117
00:06:05,770 --> 00:06:06,800
Albert Bridge.

118
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,100
The Secret Life
of the Peppercorn.

119
00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:10,700
Albert Bridge?

120
00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:13,000
Yeah, it´s a collection
of her, uh, journalism.

121
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,930
It´s great.

122
00:06:14,930 --> 00:06:17,330
Listen to this.

123
00:06:23,230 --> 00:06:27,130
"I met him by Albert Bridge.

124
00:06:27,130 --> 00:06:31,500
From his pocket he produced
a paper bag with olives in it.

125
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:34,230
I´d never even seen
an olive before.

126
00:06:34,230 --> 00:06:37,530
I bit into the plump,

127
00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:40,970
oily, little fruit, and almost
swooned with pleasure.

128
00:06:40,970 --> 00:06:45,070
I knew then that I would
go home with him.

129
00:06:45,070 --> 00:06:49,070
I was 16, and at last
my life had begun."

130
00:06:49,070 --> 00:06:51,670
Good grief.

131
00:06:51,670 --> 00:06:54,770
You see, she discovered sex
and food on the same day.

132
00:06:54,770 --> 00:06:56,200
Uh, yes, Henry, I see.

133
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,470
I´m not completely dim,
you know?

134
00:06:58,470 --> 00:07:02,630
Changed my life -- this book.

135
00:07:25,330 --> 00:07:26,470
What is it?

136
00:07:26,470 --> 00:07:28,600
Visitor for you.

137
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,600
Oh, and about time, too.

138
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:33,930
Now then, Hilary, Mr. Crabbe´s
come a long way to see us.

139
00:07:33,930 --> 00:07:35,700
Let´s be nice, shall we?

140
00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:38,600
He´s come
to see me -- not us.

141
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:43,670
And for the hundredth time,
it´s "Mrs. Smallwood," to you.

142
00:07:49,070 --> 00:07:50,870
I brought you
a chicken and ham pie.

143
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:53,270
Oh, for God´s sake,
I haven´t got time

144
00:07:53,270 --> 00:07:55,170
to sit around eating pie.

145
00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:56,800
This is an emergency.

146
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,000
And you´ve got to help me.

147
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,100
What´s the emergency?

148
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:01,170
Is there anyone outside?

149
00:08:01,170 --> 00:08:02,970
Take a look.

150
00:08:10,170 --> 00:08:12,270
No, there´s no one there.

151
00:08:12,270 --> 00:08:16,170
No locks on the door.
You notice that?

152
00:08:16,170 --> 00:08:20,430
No, no,
well, that´s probably because,

153
00:08:20,430 --> 00:08:24,000
um, well, in case you
fall over or something.

154
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:28,500
Fall over?
Why on Earth should I fall over?

155
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:32,330
No, it´s so
they can spy on me.

156
00:08:32,330 --> 00:08:35,270
Oh, I see.

157
00:08:35,270 --> 00:08:40,000
That´s why Colin
put me in here.

158
00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:47,000
Now...who´s Colin?

159
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,400
He´s my nephew.

160
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,830
- Remember my cottage?
- Yes.

161
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:52,530
Well, he sold it

162
00:08:52,530 --> 00:08:55,130
without so much
as a "by your leave."

163
00:08:55,130 --> 00:09:00,800
Sold my cottage and stuck me
in this place.

164
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:07,130
They have lunch at midday.
Can you believe that?

165
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:15,330
And dinner, which they insist
on calling "tea," at 6:00.

166
00:09:15,330 --> 00:09:16,930
Is the food any good?

167
00:09:16,930 --> 00:09:19,830
Oh...oh, marvelous,

168
00:09:19,830 --> 00:09:23,100
if you like cubes of stale cod
fried in breadcrumbs.

169
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:24,970
What are they called?

170
00:09:24,970 --> 00:09:26,370
Fish fingers?

171
00:09:26,370 --> 00:09:29,230
Yes, those are
the little buggers.

172
00:09:29,230 --> 00:09:34,070
Uh, Hilary,
what´s the emergency?

173
00:09:34,070 --> 00:09:39,500
We can´t talk in here.
Make me a drink.

174
00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:42,200
A finger of whiskey
and one of water,

175
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:45,930
and then we can go
into the conservatory.

176
00:09:47,830 --> 00:09:49,100
It´s Colin.

177
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:52,170
He wants to take my books
away from me.

178
00:09:52,170 --> 00:09:53,870
What does he want
to do that for?

179
00:09:53,870 --> 00:09:55,930
Oh, for money,
of course.

180
00:09:55,930 --> 00:09:57,330
It´s all he´s interested in.

181
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:59,330
What, do you mean
he´s going to sell them?

182
00:09:59,330 --> 00:10:00,470
Yes.

183
00:10:00,470 --> 00:10:02,500
Are they worth
lots of money?

184
00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:04,230
They might be.

185
00:10:04,230 --> 00:10:05,870
Yes, but,
they´re your books.

186
00:10:05,870 --> 00:10:06,970
It´s your property.

187
00:10:06,970 --> 00:10:09,200
He can´t sell them
against your wishes.

188
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:12,730
Yes, he can.
I signed a legal document.

189
00:10:12,730 --> 00:10:13,870
He fooled me.

190
00:10:13,870 --> 00:10:16,370
Now, he can do
anything he likes.

191
00:10:16,370 --> 00:10:17,900
Hilary? Hilary?

192
00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:20,500
Oh, it´s him.
It´s Colin.

193
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,500
Oh, Henry, will you help me?

194
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:24,230
If I can -- of course.

195
00:10:24,230 --> 00:10:27,370
Come for me at midday
on Thursday.

196
00:10:27,370 --> 00:10:31,070
I want you to meet
an old friend.

197
00:10:31,070 --> 00:10:32,430
Oh, bring some wine.

198
00:10:32,430 --> 00:10:35,230
Something sharp --
a merlot, say.

199
00:10:35,230 --> 00:10:36,970
Yes, I´ll try.

200
00:10:38,730 --> 00:10:41,800
Hello, Hilary!

201
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:43,930
Hilary, you look

202
00:10:43,930 --> 00:10:45,530
absolutely marvelous.

203
00:10:52,270 --> 00:10:54,130
Who´s this?

204
00:10:54,130 --> 00:10:55,630
This is Henry Crabbe.

205
00:10:55,630 --> 00:10:57,470
He´s a friend of mine.

206
00:10:57,470 --> 00:11:00,100
Colin, my nephew,
and his wife...

207
00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:02,170
thingy, the name escapes me.

208
00:11:02,170 --> 00:11:03,900
Serena -- how do you do?

209
00:11:03,900 --> 00:11:05,100
How do you do?

210
00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:07,230
Henry, lovely to meet you.

211
00:11:07,230 --> 00:11:10,430
A visitor?
Isn´t that lovely?

212
00:11:10,430 --> 00:11:12,270
It was,
until you turned up.

213
00:11:13,330 --> 00:11:15,770
Yes, well, I must
be going now.

214
00:11:15,770 --> 00:11:18,130
Uh, goodbye.
It was very nice to meet you.

215
00:11:18,130 --> 00:11:19,530
And, uh, goodbye, Hilary.

216
00:11:19,530 --> 00:11:21,670
Don´t forget.

217
00:11:21,670 --> 00:11:25,900
I won´t.

218
00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:30,270
What mustn´t he forget?

219
00:11:30,270 --> 00:11:31,570
Never you mind.

220
00:11:31,570 --> 00:11:34,100
So, uh, where
did friend Crabbe

221
00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:36,270
pop up from?

222
00:11:36,270 --> 00:11:39,070
He´s a policeman.

223
00:11:39,070 --> 00:11:43,270
I thought that would wipe
the smile off your face.

224
00:11:45,030 --> 00:11:46,370
One Stilton.

225
00:11:46,370 --> 00:11:49,030
Yeah. Thank you.

226
00:11:49,030 --> 00:11:52,370
Two pears,
one ice cream, and we´re done.

227
00:11:52,370 --> 00:11:53,970
Good service, that.

228
00:11:53,970 --> 00:11:56,830
Twenty-four covers,
no slip-ups, no disasters.

229
00:11:56,830 --> 00:11:58,200
Yeah, no wrong orders.

230
00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,630
No burnt tarts.

231
00:11:59,630 --> 00:12:02,030
Yes, all right, all right.
That´s enough!

232
00:12:02,030 --> 00:12:03,330
Oh, I´m only kidding, Chef.

233
00:12:03,330 --> 00:12:05,500
I mean, me and John and partners
now, aren´t we, mate?

234
00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:08,630
If you mean, do we have a good
working relationship,

235
00:12:08,630 --> 00:12:10,300
the answer is "just about."

236
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:13,530
I mean, you know.
There you go -- "just about."

237
00:12:13,530 --> 00:12:16,270
I mean, what sort
of an attitude is that?

238
00:12:16,270 --> 00:12:17,530
There´s somebody
to see you, Chef.

239
00:12:17,530 --> 00:12:19,400
Colin somebody.

240
00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:29,500
Henry? Hello. Colin Smallwood.
We met the other day.

241
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:32,730
Of course, yes. Hello.

242
00:12:32,730 --> 00:12:35,600
I´ll get straight
to the point, Henry.

243
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,100
You may think I´m being
overprotective,

244
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:39,930
but when
a friend of Hilary´s --

245
00:12:39,930 --> 00:12:41,670
someone I´ve never
come across before --

246
00:12:41,670 --> 00:12:43,130
suddenly pops up
out of nowhere,

247
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:45,030
I´m naturally a little curious.

248
00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:48,200
Well, I wouldn´t presume to
describe myself as a "friend,"

249
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,500
but I am a great admirer
of her writing.

250
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:52,400
Of course.
Aren´t we all?

251
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:55,730
Look, it´s probably one
of Hilary´s little fantasies.

252
00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:58,230
But she said you were
a policeman.

253
00:12:58,230 --> 00:13:00,100
Well, I am a policeman.

254
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:03,670
So, uh, this...

255
00:13:03,670 --> 00:13:05,830
Is my wife´s.

256
00:13:05,830 --> 00:13:09,600
I see. Of course.

257
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,700
And how long have
you known Hilary?

258
00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:14,670
Oh, well, I met her briefly
about a year ago.

259
00:13:14,670 --> 00:13:18,270
She was kind enough to try
one of my pies.

260
00:13:18,270 --> 00:13:21,530
And then a few days ago,
she phoned me out of the blue,

261
00:13:21,530 --> 00:13:23,300
and asked me
to come and see her.

262
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:25,270
Was it about anything
in particular?

263
00:13:25,270 --> 00:13:28,230
No.

264
00:13:28,230 --> 00:13:32,800
The reason I ask is, Hilary
hates to think she´s a burden.

265
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,970
She´ll suffer in silence
rather than make a fuss.

266
00:13:35,970 --> 00:13:37,200
Yes, well, I think

267
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:41,070
she wasn´t too keen
on the food in that place.

268
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,300
She mentioned fish fingers.

269
00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:45,630
Fish fingers?

270
00:13:45,630 --> 00:13:48,330
Now, that is very naughty
of Hilary.

271
00:13:48,330 --> 00:13:51,070
The food is excellent
at Akenfield.

272
00:13:51,070 --> 00:13:53,600
Fish fingers, indeed.

273
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,400
And she was also, um,

274
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,130
she was also rather worried
about her books.

275
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:00,770
Her books?

276
00:14:00,770 --> 00:14:02,970
Yes, I think she was under
the impression

277
00:14:02,970 --> 00:14:04,430
you were going to sell them.

278
00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:09,070
Sell them?
Certainly not.

279
00:14:09,070 --> 00:14:12,370
Now, that is one of Hilary´s
little fantasies.

280
00:14:12,370 --> 00:14:15,670
It´s sad, but Hilary does get
rather confused

281
00:14:15,670 --> 00:14:17,870
in some of the things
she says.

282
00:14:17,870 --> 00:14:22,300
I´ll -- I´ll have a word
with Hilary about the books.

283
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:26,730
Well, thank you,
for your time, Henry.

284
00:14:26,730 --> 00:14:29,370
So, then he said,
"You know, Hilary likes

285
00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:30,530
to suffer in silence.

286
00:14:30,530 --> 00:14:32,370
She doesn´t like
to make a fuss."

287
00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:34,170
I mean, it´s rubbish.

288
00:14:34,170 --> 00:14:35,670
Of course, she loves
to make a fuss.

289
00:14:35,670 --> 00:14:37,130
She´s turned it
into an art form.

290
00:14:37,130 --> 00:14:39,100
Then he asked me
what she talked about,

291
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:42,400
and when I told him,
he dismissed it all as fantasy.

292
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:43,530
So?

293
00:14:43,530 --> 00:14:46,130
So...he´s trying
to find out something

294
00:14:46,130 --> 00:14:49,000
without letting me know
what it is.

295
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,030
Well, he´s probably
worried about her.

296
00:14:51,030 --> 00:14:54,030
You know what it´s like trying
to cope with elderly relatives.

297
00:14:54,030 --> 00:14:56,000
Yeah, I suppose
you´re right.

298
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,430
I mean, look at your mother?

299
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,930
My mother?
What about your father?

300
00:14:59,930 --> 00:15:02,570
Nothing wrong with my father.

301
00:15:02,570 --> 00:15:03,930
Just a bit eccentric,
that´s all.

302
00:15:03,930 --> 00:15:06,000
It was like living
with King Lear.

303
00:15:08,530 --> 00:15:10,100
Let´s not talk about it,
shall we?

304
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:12,530
No, let´s not.

305
00:15:12,530 --> 00:15:15,970
Anyway,
I´ll know more tomorrow.

306
00:15:15,970 --> 00:15:17,970
I´m taking her out for lunch.

307
00:15:17,970 --> 00:15:20,730
Lucky her.

308
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:33,600
Hello! Lunchtime.

309
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:51,070
Off we go, Henry.
Chop-chop!

310
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,070
Who is it?

311
00:16:07,070 --> 00:16:10,900
It´s me, you old fool!
Open the door.

312
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:12,830
Seymour´s getting
on a bit, you know?

313
00:16:12,830 --> 00:16:15,030
You´ll have
to make allowances.

314
00:16:15,030 --> 00:16:16,430
I heard that, Hilary.

315
00:16:16,430 --> 00:16:19,000
Oh, out of the way,
Seymour, so we can come in.

316
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,630
Oh, Henry Crabbe.
Seymour Flint.

317
00:16:21,630 --> 00:16:23,170
- How do you do?
- How do you do?

318
00:16:23,170 --> 00:16:24,470
I´m sorry about the gun,

319
00:16:24,470 --> 00:16:26,400
but I don´t know your car,
you see?

320
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:28,430
One can´t be too careful
these days.

321
00:16:28,430 --> 00:16:32,170
Seymour thinks he´s going
to be raided.

322
00:16:32,170 --> 00:16:33,430
Raided?

323
00:16:33,430 --> 00:16:34,570
By whom?

324
00:16:34,570 --> 00:16:36,770
The food police, of course.

325
00:16:36,770 --> 00:16:41,070
It´s all this bloody
European Community nonsense.

326
00:16:41,070 --> 00:16:46,000
I raise a few pigs, you see,
do me own slaughtering,

327
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,130
and Hilary thinks that they will
call for me one of these days.

328
00:16:48,130 --> 00:16:50,430
Oh, that´s enough
of that nonsense.

329
00:16:50,430 --> 00:16:52,500
We´re here to eat
black pudding.

330
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:53,970
Thingy, Henry,

331
00:16:53,970 --> 00:16:56,400
you can make the sauce
with those apples.

332
00:16:56,400 --> 00:17:00,670
Peel and core them,
chop them into smallish chunks,

333
00:17:00,670 --> 00:17:02,370
put a knob of butter
in the pan --

334
00:17:02,370 --> 00:17:03,500
Add the apples,

335
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:06,370
cook them slowly ´til they begin
to disintegrate,

336
00:17:06,370 --> 00:17:09,200
add lemon juice, if necessary,
then serve.

337
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:10,900
Take no notice
of her, Crabbe.

338
00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:12,630
She´s always lashing out
the orders.

339
00:17:12,630 --> 00:17:14,900
I hope you are using

340
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:17,700
clarified bacon fat, Seymour.

341
00:17:20,170 --> 00:17:22,830
Very good apple sauce,
Crabbe.

342
00:17:22,830 --> 00:17:26,130
So I should think.
A child could make it.

343
00:17:26,130 --> 00:17:28,770
I must try
one of your pies.

344
00:17:28,770 --> 00:17:31,100
Hilary tells me you have
the gift.

345
00:17:31,100 --> 00:17:32,330
She does?

346
00:17:32,330 --> 00:17:35,330
I said no such thing.

347
00:17:35,330 --> 00:17:37,200
His pies are fine,
if you like that kind of thing.

348
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:40,800
Men --
they boil an egg,

349
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,830
and suddenly,
they´re Escoffier.

350
00:17:46,970 --> 00:17:48,900
This black pudding
is wonderful.

351
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:52,570
There´s too much oatmeal
and barley

352
00:17:52,570 --> 00:17:54,630
in most black puddings --
not enough fat.

353
00:17:54,630 --> 00:17:56,500
Black pudding
without pearl barley

354
00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:58,900
isn´t black pudding.

355
00:17:58,900 --> 00:18:01,530
If you told me your recipe,

356
00:18:01,530 --> 00:18:03,800
I might be able
to improve on it.

357
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:08,870
My recipe for black pudding?
You can´t have that, Hilary.

358
00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:10,830
That goes with me to my grave.

359
00:18:10,830 --> 00:18:14,030
What a ridiculous thing
to say, Seymour.

360
00:18:14,030 --> 00:18:17,230
Dreadful old fool, you are --
talking such nonsense.

361
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:19,870
I´m sorry, Hilary.
I was only joking.

362
00:18:19,870 --> 00:18:25,930
I´m going to lie down.
You´ve absolutely exhausted me!

363
00:18:31,070 --> 00:18:33,300
Henderson? Your lucky day.

364
00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:37,000
Oh, a spare salmon?
Lovely!

365
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,030
Whoa, they´ve
hardly touched it.

366
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:40,830
Yeah, great.
Brilliant.

367
00:18:40,830 --> 00:18:42,400
- Who was it?
- The woman on table one.

368
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:43,830
Oh, yeah,
and what´s wrong with it?

369
00:18:43,830 --> 00:18:46,000
I don´t know.

370
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,970
Look, if the punters
don´t like the food,

371
00:18:47,970 --> 00:18:49,970
you´re supposed to find out
what´s wrong with it,

372
00:18:49,970 --> 00:18:51,530
so we can get some feedback
in here.

373
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:55,970
They send it "back,"
I "feed."

374
00:18:55,970 --> 00:18:57,230
"Feedback" -- get it?

375
00:18:57,230 --> 00:18:58,870
Look, Steve,
if you really want to know,

376
00:18:58,870 --> 00:19:01,630
she said the galette was raw
and the salmon was overcooked.

377
00:19:01,630 --> 00:19:03,370
That´s not true. Look at it.

378
00:19:03,370 --> 00:19:04,370
Oy!

379
00:19:04,370 --> 00:19:05,830
Table one, you said?

380
00:19:05,830 --> 00:19:07,600
Steve?

381
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,500
No, no, I´m going
to sort this out.

382
00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:11,470
Then bring it straight back!

383
00:19:11,470 --> 00:19:14,170
Excuse me, who had the salmon?

384
00:19:14,170 --> 00:19:17,770
My wife, actually.
Oh, here she is.

385
00:19:17,770 --> 00:19:20,470
Oh, I´m so sorry.

386
00:19:20,470 --> 00:19:23,370
I´m sure it´s delicious.
I just feel a bit woozy.

387
00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:24,570
You know how it is?

388
00:19:24,570 --> 00:19:26,330
Oh, yeah, right.

389
00:19:26,330 --> 00:19:28,630
I´m -- I´m sorry, okay?

390
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,970
Hilary tells me you were a poet.

391
00:19:40,970 --> 00:19:44,170
The past tense
is most appropriate.

392
00:19:44,170 --> 00:19:45,870
Well, I´m sorry.
I didn´t mean --

393
00:19:45,870 --> 00:19:48,400
Oh, don´t fret, dear boy --
I know what you mean.

394
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,670
No, I did publish a couple
of slender volumes

395
00:19:51,670 --> 00:19:56,430
after the War,
but they weren´t much good.

396
00:19:56,430 --> 00:20:04,130
Dylan Thomas said,
"Seymour Flint has an agile pen.

397
00:20:04,130 --> 00:20:07,000
He´d write better
if he had it in his hand,

398
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,230
and not up his arse."

399
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,600
He and Hilary had an affair,
you know.

400
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,230
Ended badly, of course.

401
00:20:16,230 --> 00:20:18,530
But I was there
to pick up the pieces.

402
00:20:18,530 --> 00:20:20,670
I may not have been
a very good poet,

403
00:20:20,670 --> 00:20:23,530
but I was fairly good
at picking up the pieces.

404
00:20:23,530 --> 00:20:25,370
You were in love with her?

405
00:20:25,370 --> 00:20:28,830
Yes. More fool, me.

406
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,470
Hilary wasn´t...
conventionally beautiful,

407
00:20:33,470 --> 00:20:36,300
but she attracted men in droves.

408
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:40,970
I suppose that´s why the memoirs
are such hot stuff.

409
00:20:40,970 --> 00:20:43,330
I -- I didn´t know
she´d written her memoirs?

410
00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:44,530
Yes.

411
00:20:44,530 --> 00:20:46,870
She won´t show me
the manuscript, of course.

412
00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:50,300
Not that I want to,
all those lovers.

413
00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:54,300
Painters, poets, politicians --

414
00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:57,300
she won´t have missed
a single one out.

415
00:20:57,300 --> 00:20:59,870
And that´s why
that little shit Colin

416
00:20:59,870 --> 00:21:02,200
wants to get his hands
on them.

417
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,000
What´s it got to do with Colin?

418
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,430
He made Hilary
sign this paper

419
00:21:06,430 --> 00:21:09,670
so that he´s in charge
of the estate.

420
00:21:09,670 --> 00:21:12,730
And if the manuscript
is published,

421
00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:16,100
all the money
goes to the estate.

422
00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:17,870
And if the book´s a success,

423
00:21:17,870 --> 00:21:20,530
they´ll republish
all her other stuff.

424
00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:24,100
It could be a little gold mine,
don´t you know?

425
00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:25,570
Oh, of course.

426
00:21:25,570 --> 00:21:27,830
"He wants to take
my books away" --

427
00:21:27,830 --> 00:21:29,300
That´s what Hilary said.

428
00:21:29,300 --> 00:21:31,930
I didn´t realize she meant books
she´d actually written.

429
00:21:34,230 --> 00:21:38,430
Well, Colin´s not going
to get them, or the manuscript.

430
00:21:38,430 --> 00:21:42,430
We´re one step ahead of him,
and the food police.

431
00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:52,470
- No, no, no.
- What?

432
00:21:52,470 --> 00:21:56,300
I´ve lost the key.
Ah, ah, here it is.

433
00:22:01,730 --> 00:22:03,070
Good God.

434
00:22:03,070 --> 00:22:04,670
What now?

435
00:22:04,670 --> 00:22:06,730
Well, It´s gone.

436
00:22:06,730 --> 00:22:08,430
Gone? How can it be gone?

437
00:22:08,430 --> 00:22:10,630
No, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

438
00:22:10,630 --> 00:22:12,400
I changed my mind.

439
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:17,030
I put it in this drawer,
then I changed my mind.

440
00:22:17,030 --> 00:22:18,700
Well, where did you put it?

441
00:22:18,700 --> 00:22:21,030
Well, I put it first
in my old safe,

442
00:22:21,030 --> 00:22:24,070
but that doesn´t lock,
so I put it under the bed,

443
00:22:24,070 --> 00:22:26,630
but the dogs
might have eaten it,

444
00:22:26,630 --> 00:22:28,700
so I put it...in this drawer.

445
00:22:28,700 --> 00:22:32,800
And then I changed my mind,
and I put it...

446
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,070
I can´t remember.

447
00:22:35,070 --> 00:22:40,170
Seymour, don´t go senile
on me now.

448
00:22:40,170 --> 00:22:44,800
Well, it´s here somewhere.
I shall remember, Hilary.

449
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:48,370
I promise.
I just need...time.

450
00:22:51,430 --> 00:22:53,630
Well, it´s probably
what they call

451
00:22:53,630 --> 00:22:55,470
an Enduring Power of Attorney.

452
00:22:55,470 --> 00:22:56,830
It´s a very good idea.

453
00:22:56,830 --> 00:22:59,730
I advise a lot of my clients
to do it.

454
00:22:59,730 --> 00:23:03,000
What is it exactly?

455
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,430
Well, assuming
you´re in your right mind,

456
00:23:04,430 --> 00:23:05,700
you sign a document,

457
00:23:05,700 --> 00:23:07,870
appointing an attorney
or attorneys --

458
00:23:07,870 --> 00:23:09,470
and usually it´s a relative --

459
00:23:09,470 --> 00:23:12,670
and then if you´re incapacitated
in any way,

460
00:23:12,670 --> 00:23:15,530
you can let them carry out
your affairs

461
00:23:15,530 --> 00:23:17,630
without having to go
to the Court of Protection.

462
00:23:17,630 --> 00:23:20,200
You´ve got to be in your right
mind when you sign this form?

463
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:23,300
Yeah.

464
00:23:23,300 --> 00:23:25,270
Are you saying that´s what
happened to Hilary Smallwood?

465
00:23:25,270 --> 00:23:26,930
She wasn´t in her right mind
when she signed it?

466
00:23:26,930 --> 00:23:28,300
I have no idea.

467
00:23:28,300 --> 00:23:31,070
I mean, she´s rude,
cantankerous, unpredictable.

468
00:23:31,070 --> 00:23:34,000
But is she in her right mind?
God knows.

469
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:37,830
Oh, it´s a family affair, Henry.
Keep out of it.

470
00:23:37,830 --> 00:23:42,830
Yes, but, if you´d
seen her in that nursing home,

471
00:23:42,830 --> 00:23:44,700
I mean, with the nephew
hovering around

472
00:23:44,700 --> 00:23:46,000
like some kind of vulture.

473
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:47,630
I mean, maybe her books
are out of print,

474
00:23:47,630 --> 00:23:49,730
maybe I´m the only person
who´s ever read them all,

475
00:23:49,730 --> 00:23:51,570
but at least she did something.

476
00:23:51,570 --> 00:23:54,200
25 years a copper,
still a softie.

477
00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,730
Well, when it comes
to Hilary Smallwood, I am.

478
00:23:58,430 --> 00:23:59,870
Are you jealous?

479
00:23:59,870 --> 00:24:02,730
Certainly not.

480
00:24:35,570 --> 00:24:37,000
One more pie there, Steve.

481
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:39,370
Yeah, it´s here.

482
00:24:39,370 --> 00:24:41,470
Everything all right?

483
00:24:41,470 --> 00:24:43,200
- Fine.
- Yeah, fine.

484
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,030
Hold on, hold on.

485
00:24:45,030 --> 00:24:47,570
Who served that?
Jackson Pollock?

486
00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:51,230
Look, Steve, you´re not supposed
to dump the food onto the plate,

487
00:24:51,230 --> 00:24:53,000
you´re supposed to present it.

488
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:54,130
Now, give it to me.

489
00:24:54,130 --> 00:24:56,500
- No! No.
- What?

490
00:24:56,500 --> 00:24:58,730
Well, I can´t give it
to you, Chef.

491
00:24:58,730 --> 00:25:01,200
Steve, stop messing about.
Give me the plate.

492
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:02,200
No, I can´t. Sorry.

493
00:25:05,230 --> 00:25:08,600
Oh, dear.
I´ll clean it up then.

494
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,200
Yeah, the same thing
happened at my last place.

495
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:12,400
The chef just cracked up.

496
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,870
He had to be sedated.

497
00:25:14,870 --> 00:25:16,700
Who is Jackson Pollock?

498
00:25:16,700 --> 00:25:20,400
Oh, no, no, I haven´t
got the time.

499
00:25:38,700 --> 00:25:41,230
It´s them!

500
00:25:41,230 --> 00:25:43,900
Food police!

501
00:25:48,230 --> 00:25:49,700
Stay where you are!

502
00:25:49,700 --> 00:25:52,230
Colin, he´s got a gun!

503
00:25:52,230 --> 00:25:54,830
You won´t take me
and you won´t take my pigs!

504
00:25:54,830 --> 00:25:58,370
Seymour, it´s me, Colin.

505
00:25:58,370 --> 00:26:00,430
Please, put the gun down.

506
00:26:00,430 --> 00:26:02,370
And, look, here´s Serena.

507
00:26:02,370 --> 00:26:04,670
Don´t shoot!

508
00:26:04,670 --> 00:26:07,630
I´ll hold my ground
as long as I draw breath.

509
00:26:07,630 --> 00:26:10,630
So, go back to Brussels
and tell them that!

510
00:26:10,630 --> 00:26:14,630
Brussels? What´s
the old fool talking about?

511
00:26:14,630 --> 00:26:18,470
Seymour, it´s Colin Smallwood.
Hilary´s nephew.

512
00:26:18,470 --> 00:26:19,770
Don´t you remember me?

513
00:26:19,770 --> 00:26:21,870
What´s that
about Hilary?

514
00:26:21,870 --> 00:26:23,300
I´m her nephew!

515
00:26:23,300 --> 00:26:26,430
What? Oh. It´s you!

516
00:26:26,430 --> 00:26:30,770
What the bloody hell
do you want?

517
00:26:30,770 --> 00:26:33,730
It´s Hilary.
She´s gone missing.

518
00:26:33,730 --> 00:26:36,000
We thought she might be here.

519
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,970
Well, of course, she´s not here!

520
00:26:37,970 --> 00:26:41,130
Now, get off my land before
I give you both barrels!

521
00:26:41,130 --> 00:26:43,600
No! No! No!

522
00:26:45,330 --> 00:26:47,470
Ah!

523
00:26:47,470 --> 00:26:50,830
Colin!

524
00:27:10,100 --> 00:27:12,870
Hallelujah.

525
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,570
I don´t believe it.
She´s actually finished.

526
00:27:25,570 --> 00:27:27,470
"I won´t eat anything,"
she said.

527
00:27:27,470 --> 00:27:28,570
"I´m too old."

528
00:27:28,570 --> 00:27:30,130
Nothing wrong
with her appetite.

529
00:27:30,130 --> 00:27:32,200
Must be all those
blokes she´s had.

530
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:33,530
I beg your pardon?

531
00:27:33,530 --> 00:27:35,930
Oh, I gave Henderson
some biographical details.

532
00:27:35,930 --> 00:27:37,400
I will not stand
for any disrespect.

533
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:38,770
I´ve got great respect

534
00:27:38,770 --> 00:27:40,670
for nookie on a grand scale.

535
00:27:40,670 --> 00:27:43,130
Yeah, dream on,
Henderson.

536
00:27:43,130 --> 00:27:44,770
All right, you lot.

537
00:27:44,770 --> 00:27:46,570
Push off.
I´ll see you tonight.

538
00:27:46,570 --> 00:27:48,730
- Right. See ya.
- Bye.

539
00:27:48,730 --> 00:27:51,170
Bye-bye.
I´ll talk to you later.

540
00:28:00,270 --> 00:28:03,000
May I?

541
00:28:06,030 --> 00:28:07,530
Enjoy the meal?

542
00:28:07,530 --> 00:28:10,730
It was all right,
if you like that sort of thing.

543
00:28:10,730 --> 00:28:12,600
Shall I call a taxi
to take you home?

544
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:17,000
Seymour asked me to marry him,
you know?

545
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,100
Hundreds of times.

546
00:28:19,100 --> 00:28:24,030
If I´d said, "yes," I´d be
living in Seymour´s hovel,

547
00:28:24,030 --> 00:28:26,430
instead of that other place.

548
00:28:26,430 --> 00:28:29,630
I can´t think which
would be worse.

549
00:28:29,630 --> 00:28:32,630
I shall have to phone them,
you know,

550
00:28:32,630 --> 00:28:33,970
tell them where you are.

551
00:28:33,970 --> 00:28:36,330
I´m not going
back there, you know.

552
00:28:36,330 --> 00:28:40,500
I shall just have to stay here
for the time being.

553
00:28:40,500 --> 00:28:43,130
You can take me to my room now.

554
00:28:43,130 --> 00:28:46,030
Right.

555
00:29:00,130 --> 00:29:01,230
Who are you?

556
00:29:03,500 --> 00:29:04,870
Who are you?

557
00:29:04,870 --> 00:29:06,870
I am Hilary Smallwood.

558
00:29:06,870 --> 00:29:10,700
I might have guessed.
Well, I am Margaret Crabbe.

559
00:29:13,070 --> 00:29:16,930
So, you´re the wife?
I see.

560
00:29:16,930 --> 00:29:21,930
Bring me a whiskey and water,
a finger of each.

561
00:29:21,930 --> 00:29:25,200
Tap water, mind, and no ice.

562
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,200
Right.

563
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:31,130
Young lady?

564
00:29:31,130 --> 00:29:34,270
The reading light in my room
is inadequate.

565
00:29:34,270 --> 00:29:36,530
Please, do something
about it.

566
00:29:40,630 --> 00:29:43,770
She asked me to change
the reading light in her room.

567
00:29:43,770 --> 00:29:46,070
She´s not staying,
Margaret.

568
00:29:46,070 --> 00:29:47,600
Oh, I should hope not.

569
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:49,700
"So, you´re the wife."

570
00:29:49,700 --> 00:29:52,130
Look, she´s old
and she´s upset.

571
00:29:52,130 --> 00:29:53,630
So am I.

572
00:29:53,630 --> 00:29:55,730
Colin Smallwood is coming
to collect her,

573
00:29:55,730 --> 00:29:58,100
but he has to drive all the way
back from Brighton first.

574
00:29:58,100 --> 00:30:00,470
See, that´s where she normally
goes when she does a runner --

575
00:30:00,470 --> 00:30:02,170
either to Brighton
or to Seymour Flint´s.

576
00:30:02,170 --> 00:30:06,700
Well, I suppose we can
add Pie in the Sky to the list.

577
00:30:06,700 --> 00:30:07,830
I went to see her solicitor,
you know?

578
00:30:07,830 --> 00:30:09,270
Oh, Henry!

579
00:30:09,270 --> 00:30:11,830
He´s not
a solicitor anymore, is he?

580
00:30:11,830 --> 00:30:13,830
But he wanted a doctor
to be present

581
00:30:13,830 --> 00:30:16,430
when Hilary signed the, uh,
the what´s-it-called?

582
00:30:16,430 --> 00:30:17,970
Enduring Power of Attorney.

583
00:30:17,970 --> 00:30:20,600
Enduring Power of Attorney.
Thank you.

584
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:23,570
- And Colin Smallwood refused.
- So?

585
00:30:23,570 --> 00:30:25,970
Well, it hardly makes him
sound trustworthy, does it?

586
00:30:25,970 --> 00:30:30,100
The poor man must be spending
a fortune on that nursing home.

587
00:30:30,100 --> 00:30:31,970
What exactly
can be in it for him?

588
00:30:31,970 --> 00:30:34,300
Well, a lot
if they´ve found the memoirs.

589
00:30:34,300 --> 00:30:37,300
Oh, yes, the famous memoirs.

590
00:30:37,300 --> 00:30:40,000
Well, I wonder what happened
to them -- excuse me.

591
00:30:48,270 --> 00:30:49,500
There, boy.

592
00:31:01,530 --> 00:31:03,800
Here, sir.

593
00:31:12,170 --> 00:31:14,030
Good evening, sir.
Can I help you?

594
00:31:14,030 --> 00:31:16,530
I believe Hilary Smallwood
is somewhere on the premises.

595
00:31:16,530 --> 00:31:17,900
Yes, sir.

596
00:31:22,900 --> 00:31:27,100
Ah. A little present, dear boy.

597
00:31:27,100 --> 00:31:30,300
Salted pig´s ears.
The lady´s love ´em.

598
00:31:30,300 --> 00:31:33,130
Do press one
on your good lady wife.

599
00:31:33,130 --> 00:31:35,330
Well, yes, yes.
I´m sure she´ll enjoy it.

600
00:31:35,330 --> 00:31:36,970
Thank you very much, Seymour.

601
00:31:36,970 --> 00:31:38,070
Well, if you´ll excuse me,

602
00:31:38,070 --> 00:31:39,600
I´ve got to get back
to the kitchen.

603
00:31:43,330 --> 00:31:44,770
Great news, Hilary.

604
00:31:44,770 --> 00:31:47,330
- What?
- I found it.

605
00:31:47,330 --> 00:31:48,600
Found what?

606
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,330
Your manuscript.

607
00:31:51,330 --> 00:31:52,930
Oh, good job, too, Seymour.

608
00:31:52,930 --> 00:31:55,130
I put it in my safe
first, you see,

609
00:31:55,130 --> 00:31:57,230
but that doesn´t lock, so --

610
00:31:57,230 --> 00:32:02,070
Oh, yes, yes.
I´ve heard that saga already.

611
00:32:02,070 --> 00:32:05,230
You can´t stay here,
you know, Hilary?

612
00:32:05,230 --> 00:32:10,030
Why not?
Henry is my friend.

613
00:32:10,030 --> 00:32:12,030
You´ve got to stop
swanning about,

614
00:32:12,030 --> 00:32:13,770
making a nuisance of yourself.

615
00:32:13,770 --> 00:32:15,830
That´s what I do,
is it?

616
00:32:15,830 --> 00:32:17,930
It´s what you´ve always done.

617
00:32:17,930 --> 00:32:22,170
And I´m the only person left
who will put up with it.

618
00:32:22,170 --> 00:32:27,900
You can come and live with me,
of course.

619
00:32:27,900 --> 00:32:30,270
Oh, don´t start
that again.

620
00:32:30,270 --> 00:32:32,370
After 50 years,

621
00:32:32,370 --> 00:32:34,130
I thought
we´d sorted that one out.

622
00:32:34,130 --> 00:32:35,870
Vanity of the woman!

623
00:32:35,870 --> 00:32:41,300
I didn´t mean "live with me"
like that.

624
00:32:41,300 --> 00:32:44,870
If only Eddie were here.

625
00:32:44,870 --> 00:32:48,670
Well, he´s not. So there.

626
00:32:50,100 --> 00:32:53,070
And I am.

627
00:32:53,070 --> 00:32:55,030
Seymour, you´re being
very irritating.

628
00:32:55,030 --> 00:32:57,230
Why don´t you bugger off
back to your pigs?

629
00:32:57,230 --> 00:33:00,200
Yes, we´ll,
it´s time I got back.

630
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:04,470
The dogs will be eating
the seats in the Land Rover.

631
00:33:04,470 --> 00:33:08,770
Try and be a good girl, Hilary.

632
00:33:22,170 --> 00:33:25,530
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

633
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:36,170
Wait, wait,

634
00:33:36,170 --> 00:33:38,730
wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait,

635
00:33:38,730 --> 00:33:41,070
wait, wait, wait.

636
00:33:52,630 --> 00:33:56,700
The Chef thought you, uh,
might like an omelet.

637
00:33:56,700 --> 00:34:00,100
I couldn´t possibly eat that.

638
00:34:00,100 --> 00:34:04,270
Well, I´m not surprised,
after the lunch you put away.

639
00:34:04,270 --> 00:34:08,700
Sit down.

640
00:34:13,370 --> 00:34:15,330
What´s your name?

641
00:34:15,330 --> 00:34:16,430
Nicola.

642
00:34:16,430 --> 00:34:17,870
You´re very pretty.

643
00:34:17,870 --> 00:34:19,000
Thanks.

644
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,970
I was never pretty.

645
00:34:21,970 --> 00:34:25,100
Well, you did all right,
from what I hear.

646
00:34:25,100 --> 00:34:28,900
Prettiness and sex appeal
are two very different things.

647
00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:31,730
The two don´t necessarily
go together, you know?

648
00:34:31,730 --> 00:34:33,530
Do you have many lovers?

649
00:34:33,530 --> 00:34:37,930
Um...well, I´m working on it.

650
00:34:37,930 --> 00:34:40,700
Let me give you
a piece of advice.

651
00:34:40,700 --> 00:34:44,870
Don´t be witty with men.
It frightens them off.

652
00:34:44,870 --> 00:34:49,570
It´s all right to make jokes,
but don´t be witty.

653
00:34:49,570 --> 00:34:53,170
Well, I´d like to meet a man
who could tell the difference.

654
00:34:53,170 --> 00:34:57,500
Eddie could tell the difference.

655
00:34:57,500 --> 00:35:01,570
And I let him go.
Wasn´t that foolish?

656
00:35:01,570 --> 00:35:04,700
Who´s Eddie?

657
00:35:04,700 --> 00:35:05,830
Mrs. Smallwood,

658
00:35:05,830 --> 00:35:07,400
Chef asked me to tell you
that Colin´s here.

659
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:09,000
Oh!

660
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:10,730
I´d better
get back to work.

661
00:35:10,730 --> 00:35:12,100
Wait, wait.
Quickly.

662
00:35:12,100 --> 00:35:14,030
You must hide this.

663
00:35:14,030 --> 00:35:18,000
When my nephew´s gone,
give it to Henry.

664
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:19,400
Hurry!

665
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,000
Where shall I put it?

666
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,270
Anywhere, as long
as it´s out of sight.

667
00:35:23,270 --> 00:35:26,970
Hurry! Quickly.

668
00:35:32,630 --> 00:35:33,870
How´s that?

669
00:35:33,870 --> 00:35:36,600
Excellent, excellent.
Now, off you go.

670
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:38,570
And not a word.

671
00:35:56,130 --> 00:35:57,730
Is she all right?

672
00:35:57,730 --> 00:35:59,330
We´ve been so worried.

673
00:35:59,330 --> 00:36:03,070
Well, as far as I know,
she´s fine.

674
00:36:03,070 --> 00:36:04,670
Uh, did she bring anything
with her?

675
00:36:04,670 --> 00:36:06,070
Do you mean the memoirs?

676
00:36:06,070 --> 00:36:09,130
How do you know about them?

677
00:36:09,130 --> 00:36:10,200
Seymour Flint told me.

678
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:11,900
Oh, that horrible
old man.

679
00:36:11,900 --> 00:36:14,930
I´m quite fond
of Seymour, actually.

680
00:36:14,930 --> 00:36:17,370
He told me, also,
about your hopes

681
00:36:17,370 --> 00:36:20,500
to republish all the books --
very far-sighted.

682
00:36:20,500 --> 00:36:22,770
It´s all for Hilary´s benefit,
you know?

683
00:36:22,770 --> 00:36:24,170
She doesn´t seem to think so.

684
00:36:24,170 --> 00:36:25,600
Well, she´s very old.

685
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:27,630
She doesn´t take
everything in.

686
00:36:27,630 --> 00:36:30,300
Crabbe, will you please tell me,

687
00:36:30,300 --> 00:36:32,200
has Hilary given you
the manuscript?

688
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:34,730
No.

689
00:36:34,730 --> 00:36:39,300
I had to ask.
You do understand?

690
00:36:39,300 --> 00:36:40,500
Oh, yeah.

691
00:36:40,500 --> 00:36:43,530
I understand you
very well, indeed.

692
00:36:48,870 --> 00:36:51,170
Hilary, darling?

693
00:36:51,170 --> 00:36:54,330
How are you?
We were so worried.

694
00:36:54,330 --> 00:36:56,170
Who´s that?

695
00:36:56,170 --> 00:36:58,400
Come on, Hilary.
Fun and games are over.

696
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:00,200
Eddie?

697
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,770
We´ve gone all the way
to Brighton chasing after you.

698
00:37:02,770 --> 00:37:04,600
Is that you, Eddie?

699
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:05,830
Who´s Eddie
when he´s at home?

700
00:37:05,830 --> 00:37:07,130
God knows.

701
00:37:07,130 --> 00:37:10,100
Yes, it´s Eddie, if that
makes you happy.

702
00:37:10,100 --> 00:37:11,800
Eddie was the man
on "Albert Bridge."

703
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:14,300
- What?
- Uh, nothing.

704
00:37:14,300 --> 00:37:16,170
Have you come
to take me home, Eddie?

705
00:37:16,170 --> 00:37:19,070
That´s right.
Eddie´s come to take you home.

706
00:37:19,070 --> 00:37:21,130
Yes, take me home, please.

707
00:37:21,130 --> 00:37:22,470
I´d like that very much.

708
00:37:26,930 --> 00:37:29,370
Bye, Hilary.

709
00:37:36,930 --> 00:37:38,570
Poor, old Hilary.

710
00:37:38,570 --> 00:37:40,730
What´s that?

711
00:37:40,730 --> 00:37:43,800
Well, she´s not
exactly 100%, is she?

712
00:38:08,570 --> 00:38:10,970
"To Henry Crabbe
who has the gift.

713
00:38:10,970 --> 00:38:14,830
With much love,
Hilary Smallwood."

714
00:38:14,830 --> 00:38:20,100
You see...
the trouble with Steve is

715
00:38:20,100 --> 00:38:22,270
he´s jealous of you.

716
00:38:22,270 --> 00:38:23,730
- Jealous of me?
- Yeah.

717
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:27,670
No, he is, he --
well, just think about it.

718
00:38:27,670 --> 00:38:31,770
See, there you are
in the dining room, right?

719
00:38:31,770 --> 00:38:36,270
Dealing with the customers,
face-to-face, at ease,

720
00:38:36,270 --> 00:38:38,030
using your many social skills.

721
00:38:38,030 --> 00:38:39,170
True.

722
00:38:39,170 --> 00:38:43,130
And there he is,
stuck in the kitchen.

723
00:38:43,130 --> 00:38:47,200
The perpetual back room boy,
out of sight, out of mind.

724
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:50,630
He just needs to feel
appreciated, that´s all.

725
00:38:50,630 --> 00:38:52,970
I never thought of it
that way before.

726
00:38:52,970 --> 00:38:55,870
Well, there you are then.

727
00:38:55,870 --> 00:38:58,730
John´s jealous of me?
Do me a favor.

728
00:38:58,730 --> 00:39:01,970
Well, of course, he is.
It´s obvious, isn´t it?

729
00:39:01,970 --> 00:39:03,970
I mean, that´s why he´s giving
you such a hard time.

730
00:39:03,970 --> 00:39:07,200
The poor waiter´s
just a middle man.

731
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:09,000
He´s at everyone´s
beck and call.

732
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:10,930
You´re the creative one.

733
00:39:10,930 --> 00:39:13,530
Yeah, right.
I never thought of that.

734
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:23,470
Oh, nice one, Chef!
What´s in it?

735
00:39:23,470 --> 00:39:25,900
Pork and apple.
It´s for Hilary.

736
00:39:25,900 --> 00:39:27,470
She´s been ill recently.

737
00:39:27,470 --> 00:39:31,870
So, I thought I´d, uh,
visit her today and take this.

738
00:39:31,870 --> 00:39:35,830
That is, uh, if you lot
can get on without me.

739
00:39:35,830 --> 00:39:38,200
Please.

740
00:39:56,270 --> 00:40:00,630
Henry, she took a turn
for the worse

741
00:40:00,630 --> 00:40:02,630
during the night, dear boy.

742
00:40:02,630 --> 00:40:05,370
The doctors say she´s very weak.

743
00:40:05,370 --> 00:40:08,830
I´m afraid I don´t hold out
much hope.

744
00:40:12,070 --> 00:40:15,130
She´s rallied slightly.
You can go in, if you like.

745
00:40:16,970 --> 00:40:20,700
Thank you.

746
00:40:20,700 --> 00:40:22,300
- Morning.
- Morning.

747
00:40:26,630 --> 00:40:28,930
Hilary?

748
00:40:28,930 --> 00:40:31,600
Is that you, Seymour?

749
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:33,630
Yes, it´s me.

750
00:40:35,430 --> 00:40:41,500
As James I said, "I´m sorry,
but I seem to be

751
00:40:41,500 --> 00:40:46,370
an unconscionably
long time dying."

752
00:40:46,370 --> 00:40:49,030
You´re not dying.

753
00:40:49,030 --> 00:40:52,700
And anyway, it was Charles I.

754
00:40:52,700 --> 00:40:56,230
Don´t argue with me, Seymour.

755
00:40:56,230 --> 00:41:05,830
Anyway,
Charles I was executed.

756
00:41:05,830 --> 00:41:08,970
I think you´ll find
it was Charles II, actually.

757
00:41:08,970 --> 00:41:12,030
There you are.

758
00:41:12,030 --> 00:41:14,970
According to Henry,
we´re both wrong.

759
00:41:14,970 --> 00:41:17,730
Henry?

760
00:41:17,730 --> 00:41:19,600
Yes, Hilary.

761
00:41:34,330 --> 00:41:36,730
She´s gone.

762
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:44,470
Hi.

763
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:51,030
I´m, um, sorry about
Mrs. Smallwood.

764
00:41:51,030 --> 00:41:52,930
I think she was great.

765
00:41:52,930 --> 00:41:55,000
Indeed, she was.

766
00:41:57,430 --> 00:42:01,930
Now, what are we going
to do about Hilary´s memoirs?

767
00:42:01,930 --> 00:42:03,230
Her what?

768
00:42:03,230 --> 00:42:05,100
Her manuscript.

769
00:42:05,100 --> 00:42:06,500
You have got it?

770
00:42:06,500 --> 00:42:08,570
I haven´t got it.

771
00:42:08,570 --> 00:42:10,270
But I gave it to her
that night she was here.

772
00:42:10,270 --> 00:42:11,430
She was going to give it to you.

773
00:42:11,430 --> 00:42:13,300
She didn´t give it to me.

774
00:42:13,300 --> 00:42:15,630
I gave it to her in
this very room.

775
00:42:15,630 --> 00:42:17,070
You must have seen it.

776
00:42:17,070 --> 00:42:20,200
Brown paper with string
and sealing wax.

777
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:22,800
Oh! Oh, I´m sorry!

778
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:25,170
Now, come on, Nicola.
It´s only a glass.

779
00:42:25,170 --> 00:42:26,230
Don´t worry about it.

780
00:42:26,230 --> 00:42:28,030
No, I don´t mean that!

781
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:32,500
Oh!

782
00:42:32,500 --> 00:42:34,600
Oh, thank Heaven.

783
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:38,600
I, um, I completely
forgot. Sorry.

784
00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:41,230
It wasn´t important, was it?

785
00:42:45,430 --> 00:42:46,970
I´ll tell you what, I´ll, um,

786
00:42:46,970 --> 00:42:50,300
I´ll go and get a cloth
and clean up, shall I?

787
00:43:00,100 --> 00:43:03,130
Doesn´t weigh much, does it,
a life?

788
00:43:03,130 --> 00:43:04,670
You know, Crabbe,

789
00:43:04,670 --> 00:43:07,330
we´re the only two people
who know that it exists.

790
00:43:07,330 --> 00:43:10,300
We could burn it.

791
00:43:10,300 --> 00:43:12,900
I couldn´t do that, Seymour.

792
00:43:12,900 --> 00:43:15,700
You mean, you´d hand it over
to the dreaded Colin?

793
00:43:15,700 --> 00:43:18,270
I have to.

794
00:43:18,270 --> 00:43:21,570
Yes, I suppose you do.

795
00:43:21,570 --> 00:43:24,600
You´ll be coming to the funeral,
of course?

796
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:25,800
Oh, yes.

797
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:27,570
Good.

798
00:43:27,570 --> 00:43:30,200
And I hope you´ll be attending
a little ceremony

799
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:31,600
I´ve arranged afterwards.

800
00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:33,930
Fine.

801
00:43:33,930 --> 00:43:38,230
Well, as you all know,
we are here in accordance

802
00:43:38,230 --> 00:43:40,570
with Hilary´s last wish,

803
00:43:40,570 --> 00:43:45,600
to have her ashes scattered
in the Thames by Albert Bridge.

804
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:51,170
And those of you who´ve read
the appropriate book

805
00:43:51,170 --> 00:43:54,030
will understand the role
that this bridge played

806
00:43:54,030 --> 00:43:55,400
in Hilary´s life.

807
00:43:55,400 --> 00:44:01,530
And those of you who haven´t,
well, too bad.

808
00:44:01,530 --> 00:44:06,330
But, first, I want
to read you

809
00:44:06,330 --> 00:44:09,070
Hilary´s introduction
to the book,

810
00:44:09,070 --> 00:44:13,730
which acts as a fitting epitaph,
I think.

811
00:44:13,730 --> 00:44:19,030
"There are those who would say
that a life...

812
00:44:19,030 --> 00:44:21,770
devoted..."

813
00:44:21,770 --> 00:44:28,430
"A life..."

814
00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:42,500
"There are those who would say
that a life devoted to food --

815
00:44:42,500 --> 00:44:44,770
cooking it, eating it,

816
00:44:44,770 --> 00:44:49,100
writing about it,
even dreaming about it --

817
00:44:49,100 --> 00:44:53,200
is a frivolous life,
an indulgent life.

818
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:56,070
I would disagree.

819
00:44:56,070 --> 00:45:01,000
If we do not care what we eat,
we do not care for ourselves.

820
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:04,400
And if we do not care
for ourselves,

821
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:07,770
how can we care for others?"

822
00:45:07,770 --> 00:45:10,970
Thank you, dear boy.

823
00:45:10,970 --> 00:45:12,370
Well, here goes.

824
00:45:12,370 --> 00:45:15,200
I do hope I´ve got
the wind right.

825
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:18,730
I don´t want Hilary all --
all over my only decent suit.

826
00:45:47,170 --> 00:45:51,200
You know what Hilary
wrote in that book

827
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:55,370
about how you had the gift?

828
00:45:55,370 --> 00:45:57,170
Well, she was definitely
in her right mind

829
00:45:57,170 --> 00:45:58,600
when she wrote that.

830
00:46:04,670 --> 00:46:05,900
Can we go now?

831
00:46:05,900 --> 00:46:09,900
Ooh, have you got
the parcel, Margaret?

832
00:46:09,900 --> 00:46:12,930
Thank you.

833
00:46:12,930 --> 00:46:14,570
Hilary´s manuscript!

834
00:46:14,570 --> 00:46:16,930
Darling, how marvelous!

835
00:46:16,930 --> 00:46:19,900
With a bit of luck,
this could prove

836
00:46:19,900 --> 00:46:21,100
a proper little page-turner.

837
00:46:21,100 --> 00:46:23,500
Not here, man.
Have you no sense of occasion?

838
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:29,470
Wild duck with
apricot stuffing?

839
00:46:29,470 --> 00:46:30,800
Syllabub?

840
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:33,030
Beefsteak with oysters?

841
00:46:33,030 --> 00:46:34,330
These are recipes!

842
00:46:34,330 --> 00:46:35,500
Bakewell tart.

843
00:46:35,500 --> 00:46:37,470
It´s nothing but recipes!

844
00:46:37,470 --> 00:46:39,600
Hilary´s recipes!

845
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:43,730
For God´s sake,
be careful, man!

846
00:46:43,730 --> 00:46:46,630
It´s nothing
but bloody recipes!

847
00:46:46,630 --> 00:46:51,330
Colin, we wanted
memoirs, memoirs!

848
00:46:55,030 --> 00:46:58,770
Lamb´s head with brain sauce.

849
00:46:58,770 --> 00:47:01,500
How about that for tomorrow´s
set lunch, Henry?

850
00:47:01,500 --> 00:47:05,470
Well, I almost had her recipe
for eel pie,

851
00:47:05,470 --> 00:47:07,870
but the wind caught and blew it
right across the river.

852
00:47:07,870 --> 00:47:09,630
Now, that would have gone
on the menu.

853
00:47:09,630 --> 00:47:13,000
She knew what
she was doing, did Hilary.

854
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:16,770
Yes, she knew her stuff.

855
00:47:16,770 --> 00:47:18,830
I think Margaret was referring

856
00:47:18,830 --> 00:47:21,470
to the, uh, memoirs
that never were.

857
00:47:21,470 --> 00:47:24,000
It was a brilliant way
of making sure

858
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:25,700
that she wasn´t neglected.

859
00:47:25,700 --> 00:47:28,230
Well, she certainly
got me going.

860
00:47:28,230 --> 00:47:32,500
"All my lovers are in there,
Seymour," she used to say.

861
00:47:32,500 --> 00:47:34,830
"Not a single one left out."

862
00:47:34,830 --> 00:47:37,770
She had me jealous to the last.

863
00:47:42,500 --> 00:47:43,730
Night, all.

864
00:47:43,730 --> 00:47:45,130
Uh, are the others all gone?

865
00:47:45,130 --> 00:47:46,330
Yeah.

866
00:47:46,330 --> 00:47:49,400
I don´t know what´s got into
Steve and John, but they´ve

867
00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:51,530
actually gone for a drink
together down the Anglers.

868
00:47:51,530 --> 00:47:53,170
You´re joking!

869
00:47:53,170 --> 00:47:54,300
No.

870
00:47:54,300 --> 00:47:58,800
I´d like to be a fly
on that particular wall.

871
00:48:02,330 --> 00:48:05,600
That´s two shots, innit, Jim?

872
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:07,530
All right, mate.

873
00:48:07,530 --> 00:48:09,430
It´s great, innit?

874
00:48:09,430 --> 00:48:10,670
What?

875
00:48:10,670 --> 00:48:11,730
I said, it´s great here.

876
00:48:11,730 --> 00:48:15,730
Fascinating. Here.

877
00:48:15,730 --> 00:48:20,100
Cheers.

878
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:30,000
Look, Steve, I´ll do
a deal with you.

879
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:31,330
Oh, yeah? What´s that?

880
00:48:31,330 --> 00:48:33,970
If I don´t
have to come here again,

881
00:48:33,970 --> 00:48:36,730
you don´t have to read
"War and Peace."

882
00:48:36,730 --> 00:48:39,430
Deal.

883
00:49:20,570 --> 00:49:23,270
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